Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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