Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
