dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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