I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
