we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
