Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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