Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
