Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
