My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
