Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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