That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
this beer tastes like vomit already
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
