i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
