The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
