theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
