people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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