In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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