Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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