Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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