Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Damn victory sex feels great
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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