some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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