girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
