I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
high people should be assigned attendants
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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