She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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