Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
