no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
