So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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