omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize