She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize