I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
