the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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