My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
