they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
