What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
