You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
