Midget sex pt 2 tonight
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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