How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
