i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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