I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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