I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
