I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
