I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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