I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
