Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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