I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
false alarm, still single
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