Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
