:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
