batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
