Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
