Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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