Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
