He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
