dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
