Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
