I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
