Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
