Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
