how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
A bitchslap is in order.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
