They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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