smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
