hell yes lets make some ravioli
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
