we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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