We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
