I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
