it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
