Betty ford says i'm here all night
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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