A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize