He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
