I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
