there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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