I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
