Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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