my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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