Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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