If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
