Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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