my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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