well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize