i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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