I just cut my nipple shaving
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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