I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My feet surprised me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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